In this 1980 record, there is a dog barking for 30 minutes, a dog called Sebastian. I wonder what happened to this dogstar after he's released his first album. The problem with such a record is that you can't listen to it if you're having a cat. If you're more into dogs, if you're a dog person, this album will get your favorite animal mad. Maybe it's because of jealousy: the real dog would comment with his own barking "et moi aussi, je suis un artiste", like people say when they see a Picasso: "et moi aussi je suis peintre!"

Anch' io son' pittore!

Sebastian the Guard Dog: Sebastian Speaks! Your Watchdog on a Disc [Grr-r-records; 1980]

This is the best 100 cents I've ever spent-- its utilities are endless. Sebastian is a German Shepherd that barks, growls, whimpers, huffs, and grumbles for over 30 minutes on both sides of this record. He is a poor man's guard dog, you see. "He is an awesome defender," the liner notes boost, "although he never wantonly attacks, woe to be the foolish intruder who doesn't heed Sebastian's warning barks, his spine-chilling growl-- as menacing as the "clack" of a shotgun being cocked." If you leave your castle or see a crowbar's flash, you simply crank this up on the hi-fi. However, when the invader discovers that he feared a slab of vinyl, that situation is left up to you and your personal savior to resolve. Still, there are other novel uses: A masochistic Walkman soundtrack, a road rage inducer for freeway gridlock, or party repellant for those who only came for the free booze. --Cameron Macdonald - Pitchfork